There are as many perspectives on this question as Carter has pills. My view is that a great lover is playful with tempting fantasies to share and act on. A delicate balance between one’s own pleasure and that of a lover is critical to make everyone thrilled. Often a lover is either selfish or too focused on the lover to be a tantalizing lover.

Great sex requires a balance between self and other.

Setting the stage for exquisite pleasure is highly important. Being clean without being obsessive about cleanliness is helpful. Avoiding scented soaps, deodorants, perfumes and colognes allows our natural smells (pheromones) to facilitate animalistic desire. Lingerie leaves something to the imagination, which can set the stage for sheer satisfaction.

Lights, action and sometimes a camera (!) facilitates great sex. Some soft lighting and peaceful quiet or arousing music and candles defines a sexual scene. Light talking and laughter are far more appropriate than pointing and grunting! It is fine if there is not subject-verb agreement, and crib notes by the bed are unnecessary!

The erotic may seem absurd and outrageous to all except the aroused person, couple or more. The erotic is stimulated by exotic fantasies, winsome smiles and rapid pupil dilation. The more erotic we are, the more arousing and satisfied we will be.

Five-play is more foreplay!

Manual and oral stimulation of nipples, the clitoris and the penis along with kissing the nape of the neck is a genuine joy.  Eye contact during foreplay and during play, as well and during after-play all makes for intimate connection.

For some, using sativa marijuana before sex accelerates and accentuates mutual desire, arousal and plentiful orgasms. The excitement is augmented by imaginative fantasies, which are triggers for escalating desire and orgasmic bliss.

The immense power of the erotic bond is sparked by imaginatively varying sexual positions and places (try a beach or by a roaring fiver!) to make love and connecting with eyes, skin hungry strokes and endless playfulness. Those who are always serious without a sense of play limit their experience. The best sex occurs when spontaneity spurs new heights of erotic ecstasy.

Great sex is a collaboration between two lovers who find each other a joy.

Ravishing each other’s bodies and minds makes for a sexual experience to savor and reflect on later. Being tentative does not allow spontaneity and imaginative sex to happen.

Getting away from work and children on a weekend trip can help set the stage for great sex. This is equally true for gays, lesbians and bisexuals as it is for heterosexuals. Turn off cell phones and the television to become immersed in pure pleasure. Since pleasure enhances love, making love is a conduit for emotional closeness and numerous happy orgasms.

Masturbation is essential to being a great lover. Self-pleasuring involves self-love. If you do not love yourself, how could you love others? How could you explain what you need from your lovers? In sum, we need to expand our erotic experiences by experimenting with fantasies, behaviors and what it takes to get us to sexual nirvana!

I help couples and individuals expand their erotic experiences so they can become better lovers.

As a sex therapist and a couples’ counselor, I fine-tune lovers. I go beyond fixing a glaring sexual problem to helping my clients go beyond where they have been sexually. This is what a good sex therapist does.