With covid quarantine one size does not fit all. In my couples and sex therapy practice I find some couples who are feeling closer and who have more sex. I find other couples who experience more conflict and who feel more distant.

Some couples who have been on the verge of separating or divorcing have experienced greater closeness from being together more. These couples were not spending enough time doing productive things together prior to quarantine. After discussing their differences, needs and wants, they connected by playing board games and making love, as well as doing cooking and other activities together.

Couples who argue a lot may argue more if they are together with nowhere to go to be apart. We all need time alone. Some live in small homes or apartments, and they may have children or relatives living with them.

I have one couple who rarely did much together due to work, an overemphasis on social media and simply living separate lives. They said they would have gone their separate ways if they had not found more closeness and excitement from being together more. They have been going for more walks together and they have had productive conversations, which made them rediscover each other.

When couples are feeling smothered by each other, they need to find a balance between time together and apart. This is more difficult with covid, but with time management such a healthy balance can occur.

It is a mistake to do everything together. A relationship is part of our lives, but it should not be all consuming. If we know everything our partner does, feels and thinks, we have forfeited our privacy, and we no longer have a mystique to attract each other.

The self—not the relationship—should be the lowest common denominator. In our culture many expect all of their needs to be met in one relationship. This often results in overtaxing the relationship. No relationship can meet all of our needs!

It is more exciting to find windows of opportunity to enjoy each other. Then we have something to look forward to. Covid is stressful enough without laying rigid expectations on our partner. A combination of scheduling time together and being spontaneous is the best plan.

Many couples are on Zoom for their work. Some get too carried away with work, while nearly forgetting their personal life. Rather than overdoing work and Zoom, we need to zoom into each other’s arms! Quarantine offers the time and closeness to enjoy more sex, cuddling and laughter together. Why not take advantage of quarantine to play more and work less?!

Learn more about my approach to couples counseling.