I am kink-friendly. I work with those who have a variety of fetishes, including foot fetishes and other less common “turn-ons.” Sometimes a fetish is appealing to one’s partner, but sometimes a fetish troubles the partner, and sometimes it also troubles the person with the fetish.
I once had a client who was only turned on by women who wore Converse tennis shoes. He insisted that his girlfriend wear these shoes during sex, which she did, but she felt the shoes became more important than herself and her needs. The same guy was turned on by teenage girls wearing these shoes, and he stared at and sometimes followed the teenage girls—a huge problem that was solved through therapy.
In his excellent book, Guide to Getting It On! Paul Joannides describes a man who could not enjoy sex unless his lover wore a hat. He points out that this isn’t a problem if both lovers share the fantasy, but if his partner felt like a human hat rack, this is not so great.
Using a feather is ‘erotic,’ it is only ‘kinky’ if you use the whole chicken. – Woody Allen
Fetishes often include objects and/or actions that are obsessively repeated. If the fetish brings joy to both lovers, there really is no problem.
However, it can be difficult to eradicate strong fetishes, even if the person wants to reject the fetish, In other cases, milder fetishes can be less of a problem.
Cross-dressing is a related phenomenon that may or may not upset the cross-dresser and his or her partners. Situational cross-dressing may not bother anyone, but obsessive cross-dressing in risky settings can create problems for the cross-dresser and potentially for others. Therapy usually does not alter the cross-dressers need to cross-dress. However, a driving compulsion to do so can be minimized by a therapist.
I deal with fetishes and with those who are into some aspect of BDSM. I find that roleplaying desires and behaviors do not have to be a problem, but for some they are. The power dynamic can be a turn-on for one or both participants. No one should be pressured to engage in any sexual behavior they do not want. Mutual consent and mutual satisfaction is the goal.
As I have expressed elsewhere on this site, I deal with those of every sexual orientation from gay and lesbian to bisexual and heterosexual. I also help those who have an open marriage or other open relationship, those who swing, and those who are polyamorous. Monogamy does not suit everyone. It is beyond reason to expect everyone to be alike.
I would never want anyone to hesitate to approach me with any sexual issue. I am open-minded, and I am committed to help anyone with a sexual or relationship problem. If I am not the best therapist for a particular problem, I refer to other therapists, just as they refer to me.
All therapists have limitations. This is why every therapist’s scope of practice should only include what they really are trained to deal with. For example, sex addiction therapists and most marriage counselors are not prepared to improve a couple’s sex life. To make matters worse, these counselors do not always recognize their limitations by referring to a board-certified sex therapist. Instead, they bumble along giving bad advice based on their own biases rather than any semblance of training and experience to do so.