It is common to exclaim that physical attraction is the motivating factor for dating and having sex with a new person. Although how we look influences who we are attracted to, our unique smells in the hair in our bodies is the main attractant. The smells are called pheromones. All animals seem to have them.

Pheromones are extremely strong chemical substances which give off an irresistible and a tantalizing combination of conscious and unconscious scents that spontaneously attracts animals—including human lovers—to each other. (“I have a nose for you!”). These ravenous pheromones lock into each other and few can resist acting on their highly charged arousal. 

We cannot control whose pheromones turn us on, but we can control what we do about our delicious craving. If the person is not appropriate, we can leave the area. Or, we can listen to the chemical message and act on our desire for that person with that person with un restrained gusto. 

When the pheromone attraction exists, it is usually mutual. I have had sex therapy clients who fondly recall a particular lover as irresistible. When I ask why this is so, many—if not most—argue that is the allure of that person.

No sex therapist can change a person’s pheromones. I advise not covering up natural smells with scented products such as perfume, cologne or scented soaps or deodorants.  The scents can interfere with our natural smells which may attract another. If you use a mild soap and an unscented deodorant, your natural and exquisite smells can draw you to another and vice versa.

Research shows that when women notice a man’s arousing smells they wear that man’s T-shirts. This is because underarm smells can be a turn-on.  Scientists are beginning to discover human pheromones that may be bona fide aphrodisiacs for attracting people to each other. 

Even when you bathe and use unscented products, you will not attract everyone. You do not need to attract everyone. The goal is to attract selective potential lovers. There are so called pheromone products that are advertised in publications to attract just about anyone to you. Although it is not total y clear, it appears that these (expensive) sprays and drops do not work at all.

There is such a thing as lust at first sniff! This is one reason why we rarely feel sexy when we have a cold! Even our conscious sense of smell is a powerful attractant when the smell is just right. 

No amount of online dating will identify whether there is chemistry until you meet the person. Sniffing each other is essential to ascertain if you have erotic chemistry!

I address all of this as a sex therapist. I see couples who have everything but chemistry, or their chemistry is marginal. The problem is that some of the people you have strong chemistry with may not offer anything else to sustain a relationship. These strong pheromone attractions usually last for awhile with scintillating sex, but we need more than chemistry to be ongoing partners.

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