40046Sometimes it is hard to plan for sex. Being spontaneous is often valued. Yet one lover may be more in the mood than another. Others like to schedule sex. Either way, there is one sex question you’ll always want to ask of yourself and your lover before popping the “little blue pill.”

A cartoon might show the man thinking “What if I take a pill now. Will she get angry or will she be delighted?” Or he may have taken a pill without asking, and make flirtatious overtures that are rejected.

She may say “not now dear” while he thinks about the $20 cost of the pill and his horniness. A humorous erotic rain check would lighten such a situation, but in his mind he just spent $20 for nothing! (Unless the erotic rain check specifies that she promises to have sex within 36 hours, in the case of Cialis!).

Sexual initiation is a complicated issue. We have to read cues accurately, and egos can be bruised if there is a miscommunication about whether and when each person wants to be sexual. Some want to initiate themselves, while others prefer that their lover initiate. This is even more complex when it is essential to take pills beforehand.

All of this affects men who need Viagra or a similar pill to get and keep a solid erection. . Men may desire sex but be unable to get a good erection without a pill. Some couples agree that some discussion should precede taking a pill. Others conclude it is up to the man. The rub comes when the man takes a pill without asking, and the woman is unhappy that she was not consulted first.

The time it takes for pills to be effective is another issue. Most pills take at least a half hour, if not an hour to be fully operant. If he asks her first, this can ruin spontaneity, and/or she may only have a short time frame to be sexual. Work and children call too!

Economic and emotional considerations affect whether or when a man takes an erection pill. All of this can cause arguments (“Why won’t you ask me first?” “Don’t I have anything to say about whether and when we make love?”).

The couple may have agreed to make love at a certain time, and later one of the two may be tired, busy or otherwise uninterested. Since most pills in America cost about $20, there is also the issue of not wasting $20! You can imagine the woman screaming “Go pleasure yourself! I am not in the mood!”

A man who needs a pill to function is in bit of a dilemma. Will it make her happy if he takes a pill and surprises her with his passionate intent? Or will he be left holding the “bag”?!

Even though heated arguments about whether to discuss taking a pill first are common, there is something to laugh about here. When you don’t take yourself too seriously, it is easy to laugh at this dilemma. Others laugh if they hear about their friends fretting over taking pills for sex, so why can’t the participants in this potentially comedic situation laugh too?

This entire dilemma can be resolved by clear and sensitive communication and a pleasure pact between lovers. If we don’t talk and listen well, the dilemma takes on more drama than need be the case. “Did you take a pill?” “Why did you take a pill now?” and “I’m so glad you thought of me by taking your pill” are all possible reactions to a befuddled man who is not sure he should or should not take a pill.

The TV ads for Cialis and similar pills all depict joy about taking pills. The lovers are close and ecstatic because they have pills. These ads fail to grasp the relationship problems that can result from the pill dilemma.

The truth is that performance anxiety can negate the pills anyway. The mind is our most obvious sex organ. Pills are often not necessary if the mind concocts erotic fantasies. If the lovers are playful, rather than uptight about whether, when, how and why they might make love, they are likely to relish orgasmic peaks without conflict or worries.