If you accept the advice of the Canadian Health Minister, you would only kiss through masks. This would prohibit succulent French kissing, and it would not be very enjoyable. Taken to the extreme, the reverse cowgirl sexual position would be the only position to try.

None of this makes for commonsense. The problem with going overboard with precautions is that you will not be touched much or sexual except in limited and generally unsatisfying circumstances.  If we err in the direction of PPE for sex and dating, we will wear body bags, use condoms even when not necessary, and tremble from fear of Covid.

We live in a touch deprived society. Most people yearn for more touch, which is healthy and normal. Most also desire sexual encounters and relationships. If we succumb to fearful thinking we will not lead a healthy and exciting life.

The Importance of Intimacy

Not enough health authorities seriously consider the risk of NOT being touched, and NOT celebrating orgasms with others. Even monogamous couples sometimes make up a series of rules about what is commonsense sex.

In my sex therapy and couples counseling practice I have had far too many fearful clients who believe they cannot enjoy sex during the Covid era. I point out the lack of logic and an evidence-based approach to their conclusions.

Covid has made single people and non-monogamous lovers especially fearful to be fully sexual. The erotic then takes a back seat to immobilizing fear where being careful equates to masturbation and little else. There is nothing wrong with masturbation (Woody Allen points out that masturbation is at least with someone you love!), but a balance between self-love and loving others makes for a more nuanced approach to sex today.

When we have freely available and accurate and rapid Covid tests, dating will be affected by reasonable caution, but such tests are not totally accurate yet. In the meantime, we need to use good judgment about who we are sexual with. A Pre-Sex Discussion is essential to avoid taking huge risks. Unfortunately, most people do not discuss sex before they take the leap.

Sex Is Not Going Away

Neither Covid nor sex are going away. Sex will never go away, so we need to be careful without cloistering ourselves from the thrill that sex can bring us. I hear about singles being afraid to kiss or touch a prospective lover until they have dated for months. None of this is necessary or healthy.

Some conclude that they must be monogamous during the Covid era. This is again extreme and unnecessary. We do not live in a monogamous society. Monogamy is not natural for all. It suits some just fine, but we are not all alike!

No sane person wants Covid, but the only way to avoid the disease is not to isolate oneself from others in the name of caution. It is not caution when our emotional and erotic needs are factored into the equation.

Sexual enthusiasts need to unite on the same pleasure team! To do this, enthusiasts need to be open and honest and reasonable with each other. There is no rational reason to avoid all sexual connection with others. As a cognitive behavioral therapist, I help clients realize and act on the assertions in this blog.

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