As I look over twelve years of my blogs, I keep coming back to the issue of prioritizing solving sexual and relationship problems. I continue to notice too many individuals and couples who falsely believe they can solve their own issues if they simply try harder. This is magical thinking that keeps people stuck.

Often people do not value their relationship or themselves enough to pay for sex therapy. They do not blink an eye at paying high ticket prices for concerts or sporting events, but they hesitate to pay for a qualified therapist. They look for cheap therapists, and then they find that you get what you pay for, and they end up at my doorstep after going cheap first. Providers for insurance are rarely sex therapists, and so a co-pay will not solve sexual problems!

Unless a therapist is AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists)   certified the therapist is not fully qualified. There are other certifications, but none is as rigorous as AASECT. I have had people cancel appointments on short notice or not come at all. None of this makes any sense at all.

Do you prioritize your sexual relationship or not? If sex is seen as a frill rather than a staple for a healthy relationship, problems may not get solved at all! Relationships often end because one or both partners were too cheap or too embarrassed to get proper help. Many of these relationships could have been saved if help was prioritized.

Where is sex on your priority list? Is it at the bottom? Or at the top? Sex is essential to feeling close and intimate. Sex is the main conduit for love. So why not view sex as a priority? I see people who spend lots of money on vacations, but they still have a sexual problem that they refuse to deal with.

Sometimes one partner wants to see me, but they cannot convince their partner to come in. The tired old saying “we will solve it on our own” rarely makes good sense. I have had too many frustrated partners who set appointments only to have their partner (who has not talked with me at all) call and cancel. Some of these should be consulting a divorce attorney, and some do.

Too many couples wait until they are ready to break up before coming in. Sometimes it is too late. Why wait? To save a buck? Divorce costs more than seeing me.

If people use some common sense and they wish to improve their relationship, they come in. If not, they have to live with their irrational thinking. I am a cognitive behavior therapist. I emphasize getting rid of negative and distorted thoughts. Without some logic it is too common to see couples break up.

Unless there is a total mismatch, I usually can improve relationships. It is up to you!

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