15322T.V. personality Kelly Rippa claims she has a really happy marriage because they have lots of sex. There is some truth to this claim. When couples prioritize their sex life, they are emphasizing each other rather than work, children and other constant distractions from pleasure.

This does not mean work and children are unimportant, but to view sex as something to sneak in between daily duties is to live your life out of obligation and duty rather than out of succulent desire.  

As a board certified sex therapist and sexologist, I help couples put sex on top, instead of at the bottom, of their to-do list. Couples with unhappy sex lives typically fail to focus on lovemaking. Instead, they view life as a series of mundane duties. It really does not matter if the garbage gets taken out after lovemaking, rather than instead of it, or afterwards.

Those who put work and other so-called obligations first rarely question their actions. They do not view all of this as a choice, but it is a choice to relegate sex to an activity we cannot justify unless we have done all of our chores for the day. The problem is when we wait for sex until late at night we are too tired to enjoy it. In many cases, we are too tired to even desire sex, or to get aroused enough to have it.

I am not saying sex is all it takes to be happy in a relationship, but it is an underrated key piece to the puzzle of happiness—or lack thereof. It is too typical to hear “We will make love after the dishes are done, the rug is cleaned and the laundry is folded.” If we constantly put sex after all of these chores, there won’t be much time or energy to relish each other’s bodies.

In an earlier blog, I talked about how the stars have to align for many couples to have sex. The stars do not have to align. If we wait for the perfect time, we won’t have much sex, and our feelings of closeness will suffer.  Spontaneous sex where we laugh ourselves into playful arousal and orgasms will not occur if we feel we have to do something else first, or totally plan any sex.

It would be more fun and healthy if we put sex first! Then we can do chores and pick up kids, prepare meals and go to social events. A sexual siesta or afternoon delight sounds like fun!

Changing priorities is simply modifying our thoughts. Both lovers need to discuss and change priorities for there to be more and better sex. If one lover drags his or her feet, sex will continue to be put on the back burner.

Front burner sex sounds like a lot more fun than back burner sex.  Turning off cell phones and locking the bedroom door are choices that lead to a more sex-sational love life! Couples who choose each other more often are happier. Others may envy such happiness, and they may wonder why they are not as happy as you are. Suggest that they read this blog, and they too can make a more pleasurable and intimate choice!

Here’s to your new year of happier sexual fun and fulfillment!