In our polarizing world of political correctness and fake news, it is not surprising that people are for or against porn. All porn is not the same. Some porn is highly arousing and helpful to individuals and couples. Other depictions are inundated with uncomfortable themes or scenes and in rare cases, with illegal ones such as child porn.
When you look up porn on Google, you instantly view a variety of porn tubes. These tubes are free, although the porn producers often attempt to sell you complete versions. Most porn is rather unimaginative, lacking a script to make sex truly erotic. Porn is often boring, with a focus on penises and vaginas getting together without any clear meaning. This genre of porn is like open heart surgery on tape. Who are these people? Why are they having sex? What does it mean?
Porn exudes an overemphasis on incest, the race card, anal sex (as if nothing else matters), exploitation through lying, a variety of betrayals, and utter selfishness. This does not mean interracial sex and anal sex are not of interest. Why not include more scenes with mutual consent and playful encouragement?
You have to spend a lot of time to find anything worth viewing. It is clear that those producing most porn lack an erotic imagination, and in many cases, they show their lack of evidence-based sex education.
As I stated in my TED talk on the new Sex Positive Enthusiasm Revolution, the answer is not to censor or ban porn. The answer is to develop higher quality, more sophisticated porn that appeals to educated people who thrive on healthy fantasies—some of which can happily trigger real life sexual adventures.
Some of my fellow sexologists disagree with my premise that too much porn is boring and essentially not very engaging. Others agree with me. Those who disagree tend to argue that we must either accept all porn or be against all porn. Those who advocate accepting and encouraging all porn operate on the assumption that if we dislike some porn, censors will do away with all of it. I do not agree with this position.
Taboos are made to be broken, but some are better kept as fantasy. I am not arguing that we should only view sanitized versions of sex. Affairs and sex between those who differ in age, and between professors and students all make for erotic viewing. Gay and lesbian scenes, and those with transgendered people can be informative as well as titillating. I am not against diversity, but I am opposed to real exploitation in the name of eroticism.
I am not judging the erotic preferences of others. I am taking a stand against mundane and sometimes harmful scenes. You can say all scenes are mere fantasies, but fantasies sometimes provide an erotic map for real sexual encounters for viewers. Healthy fantasies encourage healthy sex.
In liberal circles, it is unpopular to be at all critical of porn. I am a liberal with a conscience. My conscience tells me that it is not OK to depict sexual violence and damaging exploitation. I want porn producers and actors to be cognizant of the impact they have on the wide range of people who are glued to their computer screens watching what they produce.
In my sex therapy practice, I see positive and negative effects of a variety of explicit sexual depictions. No either/or argument makes sense for those who are struggling with sexual guilt, shame and inhibitions. I am no prude. I was an original developer of the now famous Better Sex Videos, which are explicit for educational purposes.
The most interesting porn features playful humor and some script to make it erotic. Sex between horny neighbors or coworkers provides fodder for titillating and escalating arousal. There is nothing wrong with this.
We know that the heaviest porn consumption is in conservative states like Utah and much of the South. Repressed conservatives devour porn because they have been sheltered from healthy sex education. Since porn is the major sex educator of people—not just young people—it behooves us to develop helpful and entertaining porn.
Since porn is often linked with so-called “sex addiction” (which does not exist!), see my discussion of this here.
Porn will never go away. Porn is not a public health crisis. The crisis is our unwillingness to develop high quality erotica. It is time to get beyond the low level quality of much porn, and entice viewers while they gain insights that will help them become more exciting and satisfied lovers. Tempestuous eroticism would get a real boost from more sophisticated porn. This would be a good thing!