Are You From India And Struggling With Issues Surrounding Sex And Intimacy?
Are you and your spouse struggling to connect, both in and out of the bedroom? Maybe you are finding it difficult to navigate life after an arranged marriage, especially if you don’t know each other very well. Or, maybe you and your spouse have a loving marriage, but when it comes to sex, you feel like strangers.
In either case, it’s possible that you haven’t had sex yet, or that the sex you’ve had has been more awkward than arousing. Perhaps you’re unsure if you and your partner have chemistry—that “thing” that draws people together and makes them click. It may be that you feel attracted to each other, but once the clothes come off, you seem to lack the formula for passion. It might be difficult to feel confident about what goes where, and when, and for how long.
You might not know how to talk about what feels good and what rubs you the wrong way. Even if you know the words for your body and your wants, you might feel too embarrassed to use them. No matter how much you want it to improve, maybe sex feels painful, uncomfortable and/or disappointing—if it happens at all.
If you’re not in a relationship, you still may be struggling with many of the same problems. Perhaps you want help overcoming sexual shame, past trauma or any physical issues before you start a relationship. But, even though you know you want someone to talk, laugh and get naked with, you barely feel comfortable getting naked with yourself.
Are you longing to work through mismatched desire, arousal issues, painful intercourse, premature ejaculation or any other sexual speed bump? Do you wish you could enjoy a relationship full of honesty, intimacy, and pleasure?
It’s Okay To Want A Healthy Sex Life
Regardless of cultural background or nationality, many individuals and couples have a hard time with relationships, love, and sex. Indian marriage issues are particularly common because many people from India simply haven’t received enough sexual education. Those who are taught about sex are likely to learn the basics of anatomy and procreation, without much attention paid to the wonderful diversity of human bodies, desires, and orgasms.
In fact, if you were raised in India or in an Indian household, you may have learned that the main purpose of sex is reproduction, which may come into conflict with your desire to just have sex for fun. Now that you’re an adult—and especially if you’re married—you might be facing an immense amount of pressure to produce grandchildren. All these external demands might make sexual issues all the more frustrating and overwhelming.
With so much focus on family trees rather than where to rub and where to squeeze, it’s no wonder that so many Indian couples are left wondering what happens on the first night of marriage, let alone all the nights (or mornings, or afternoons) after. And, many couples stop having sex after having kids, even if one or both partners still crave touch and tenderness. If you’ve grown up associating sex with guilt and shame, it can be difficult to believe that your desires are normal or even allowed.
As an AASECT-certified sex therapist and sexologist, I’m committed to helping you tear down stigma and repression. With my guidance and support, you can let go of sexual anxiety, work through sexual health issues and bring connection, joy, and laughter into your bedroom.
Indian Marriage Counseling And Sex Therapy Can Help You Connect
For nearly 50 years, I have been helping individuals and couples transform their sex lives, cast off rigid taboos and open up to their orgasmic potential. Here in Seattle, I have worked with many Indian clients, with a wide variety of belief systems, relationship challenges and sexual experience. No matter what you and your partner are coming—or, in this case, not-coming—up against, I can help you discover new routes toward affection and passion.
As you and your partner begin therapy, I will first meet with each of you individually. This gives each person a chance to talk about their concerns and hopes without any fear of judgment or criticism. Then, I will invite both of you to meet with me together.
I will start wherever you need to start. That might mean we begin with comprehensive sex education for adults, from anatomy to intercourse to pleasure centers and satisfaction. I welcome any questions you might have—after all, you can’t learn until you ask. And, because every person is sexually unique, I will also help you develop the language to ask one another about what you like and what you want to practice.
Sexual issues can have emotional, mental and/or physical roots. As appropriate, I might collaborate with my network of sex-positive doctors and health practitioners to find solutions to any potential medical issues. With this multi-pronged approach, you can get to know your body and feel more accepting of its particular needs. Your body isn’t “wrong” or “broken”—it might just need some expert care.
I am an unorthodox, innovative therapist. I approach sex counseling with complete acceptance and understanding, injected with a good dose of humor. In sessions, I will laugh at myself and encourage you to laugh at yourself as well. Sex is more of a comedy or an experimental art form than a drama—a little bit of stumbling and strangeness comes with the territory. I’ll help you and your partner relax and stop taking sex so seriously, so you have more freedom to express your feelings and explore your desires.
You deserve to feel excited about sex. It’s possible to stop worrying and start wondering what new position you and your partner can try next. It’s possible to fulfill your fantasies, connect with your body and bond with your partner—inside and out.
You may have questions or concerns about individual counseling and marriage counseling for Indian couples…
My spouse is uncertain about therapy.
Many partners worry that the therapist will blame them for their relationship issues. But, in truth, relationships are a system, influenced by both parties.
In sessions, I will not assign blame to either of you, and I will help you let go of any blame you feel toward your partner or yourself. Blame just keeps partners stuck. In truth, you both play an essential role in finding a solution. Therapy can help you shift your perspective and overcome obstacles as a united team.
We don’t have time for Indian marriage counseling.
I understand that managing careers and taking care of family and the home can be a handful. As you juggle this task and that worry, it can feel like you never have enough time for yourself, let alone your partner.
However, if sexual issues, disconnection or any of the other common problems faced in an arranged marriage (or any marriage!) are causing you stress, then it’s important to address that stress head-on. After all, relationship issues take up so much time and energy. By finding solutions and establishing a better work-life balance, you can be more productive and relaxed in every area of your life.
I’m uncomfortable talking about the sex issues in my marriage.
It’s completely normal to feel anxious when it comes to sex, especially if it was a taboo subject in your family or community. But, sex needn’t fill you with worry or shame.
From our very first session, I will put you at ease. I talk about sex with humor and real-world language, not stiff, dry jargon. As we talk about things as they really are, sex can become less mystifying and more magical. You can stop dwelling on preconceived notions of sex or worries about the future and start engaging in the pleasurable present.
Find Freedom And Fun
Feel free to give me a call at 206-244-8788 or 360-394-4568 to set up an appointment. I’m happy to talk with you about sex-positive Indian marriage counseling, as well as answer any questions you have about my practice.