Do You Want A Joyful, Playful Sex Life—Without Stigma Or Shame?
Do you identify as LGBTQ+? Whether you’re single or in a relationship, do you feel sexually stunted—perhaps by external and internal oppression? Or, are you more than happy to defy heteronormativity but struggle to navigate the ins-and-outs of LGBTQ+ dating, relationships and intmacy?
Maybe your sex life feels more like crawling through traffic than taking a joy ride. Every time you get a little bit of movement, something stalls or screeches. It may seem like you’re more likely to get whiplash than get off—at least, not in the way you want or alongside the person(s) you want.
Perhaps you or your partner(s) feel unsure of what exactly fuels your desire. Or, you might have a clear image of what you like, but you feel unable to put that arousal into words. You might feel embarrassed by what you want and fear that you’ll be judged or rejected if you share what turns you on.
It’s also possible that you can’t get turned on at all. Like many others, you may be struggling with lubrication or erection issues, or with discomfort and pain. You might feel self-conscious about your body, especially if you’ve encountered ignorant, hurtful messages about genitalia that look and function like yours. If you feel alienated from your body, it can be strange to imagine tangling it up with someone else’s.
Regardless of the specifics, are you tired of shame, frustration and less-than-satisfying masturbation? Are you seeking greater emotional and physical intimacy? Overall, are you longing for new avenues toward pleasure—in other words, for erotic, ecstatic, orgasmic sex?
In Our Repressive Culture, LGBTQ Issues Can Complicate Sex
Gay or straight, trans or cis, everyone has emotional and sexual needs. People are social beings who want to feel understood, wanted and cared for, especially when their clothes come off.
That’s not to imply that LGBTQ+ folk don’t face unique challenges. But, it’s important to clarify that “LGBTQ issues” aren’t innate to your gender identity or sexual orientation. However, even today, our moralistic culture bombards us with messages condemning sexual expression—especially sexual expression that exists outside heteronormative limits. As a result, many LGBTQ people grapple with deeply entrenched shame and guilt, not to mention bigotry and marginalization.
In this climate, coming out and staying out can be scary. Even if you’ve been out for decades, talking about your experiences, wants and needs can be uncomfortable and confusing. What if you don’t want the “right” things? What if your body can’t do what it’s “supposed” to do? If you’re lucky enough to find someone who’s great otherwise, is sex really that important?
To the last question, I’ll answer a resounding, “Yes!” Whether you’re single, partnered or non-monogamous, a healthy sex life is vital to your physical, emotional and mental wellbeing.
You don’t have to settle for misaligned libidos, top/bottom conflict, lesbian bed death, lackluster fondling or any other issue preventing your pleasure. With help, it’s possible to unlock your erotic imagination and create the vibrant sexual connection you deserve.
You Can Celebrate Pleasure In Sex-Positive LGBTQ Therapy
Sex doesn’t have to be boring or painful. In fact, it shouldn’t be! On second thought, there’s nothing wrong with consensual erotic pain. But boring gets a hard no—and rarely a hard-on.
As a sexologist and sex therapist who pioneered the field nearly 50 years ago, I’m committed to helping you build a freeing, fulfilling sex life. I take a sex-positive* approach, which means that I am non-judgmental and open to whatever you want to share or explore. And, as an LGBTQ-friendly therapist, I will never question or judge your identity or experience. Whether you are in the midst of transitioning, questioning your sexuality or just looking for a position that feels good (or all of the above!), I am here to help.
I will approach our work with humor and curiosity, and I encourage you to do the same. Your hurt and frustration are valid, and I take your emotions seriously. But, through laughter and a good dose of goofiness, I’ll also help you see that sex is nothing to be anxious about. Through overcoming sexual shame and embracing sexual enthusiasm, you can find practical, creative and fun solutions.
From that playful, honest place, you can safely investigate what you really want and need. Incorporating medical, mental and emotional aspects, I offer insights and techniques tailored specifically to you (and your partner). For example, I might suggest that you practice yoga to nurture your mind-body connection. If you’ve survived sexual trauma, I can refer you to a sex-positive therapist who specializes in trauma treatment. Or, if you are burning most of your time working and wiping runny noses, I’ll help you find ways to rebalance and prioritize sex, without guilt or inhibition.
No matter how stuck you might feel, it is possible to lower your inhibitions and stop worrying about sex. It is possible to access and express your deepest fantasies, using them to ignite lust and passion. With help, you can unabashedly own your pleasure—and share it, too.
You may have questions or concerns about sex-positive LGBTQ relationship counseling…
My partner doesn’t want to come to therapy.
I bet your partner wants to come! Of course, it’s not that simple. In fact, in my experience, the partner who is most resistant to therapy is also the one most worried about sex. Sexual worries can be embarrassing to talk about, but they don’t need to be.
I encourage you to invite your partner to see me for one solo session. In my experience, many partners accept this invitation. This one-on-one session gives your partner and I the chance to address pressing anxieties and build a trusting therapeutic foundation. Once your partner feels more at ease, we can all work together toward a common goal.
If you’re not queer, how can you offer LGBTQ counseling?
Although I don’t identify as LGBTQ, I have vast experience working with LGBTQ+ clients. As a sexologist, I have also studied and taught human sexuality in all its wonderful forms. The decades I’ve dedicated to this work offer me a unique insight into sexual expression and pleasure. When it comes down to it, a therapist’s orientation and identity has little to do with their effectiveness—it’s all about training, education, and empathy.
I don’t have time for sex therapy.
I don’t intend to keep you in therapy forever. After our first three hours together, we will have a treatment plan that fits where you are and want to go. I’m committed to identifying and addressing concerns right away, so you can spend less time in my office and more time in your bedroom (or living room, or kitchen, or wherever).
I’m not going to tease you with breadcrumbs; I’m going to lead you right down your unique path toward pleasure. You deserve connection and passion—therapy can help you find them.
Discover Desire And Delight
Feel free to give me a call at 206-244-8788 or 360-394-4568 to set up an appointment. I’m happy to talk with you about sex-positive LGBTQ counseling, as well as answer any questions you have about my practice.
*The term “sex-positive” is becoming more and more widely known. In 1981, I was the first to use the term in print, in my award-winning university textbook Sexual Choices.