Sexual Fantasies

Go With the Flow for Better Sex & Marriage: Can you say “H2-Ohhhh?”


Where do we usually make love? In bed!?  We can be a lot more adventurous! I think we need to go somewhere near water—particularly running, streaming, undulating water like the ocean or a river in the mountains—so we can make love with the passion of the running water.  Any water—well, not a faucet—but any kind of running water is romantic and powerful and adds to the tempestuous nature of making love. When I chose the locations for my two offices, I put them both on the water. One is on Lake Washington, and the other one is in Poulsbo on an [...]

Go With the Flow for Better Sex & Marriage: Can you say “H2-Ohhhh?”2021-04-08T19:47:47+00:00

Fifty Shades of Grey — Using Your Gray Matter!


Should sex be viewed strictly in terms of black and white, right and wrong, romantic love vs. pure, pulse-racing lust? Or is sex more prismatic, open to wider interpretation and exploration? That ought to be the pivotal question to arise from the film based on the most popular fan fiction about sex in recent times. In this case, finding the answer on the screen of your neighborhood cinema means using your gray matter. Inspired by the bestselling book with the same title, 50 Shades of Grey illustrates the confusion and competition between often opposing sexual motives and meanings. The leading man, Christian, is [...]

Fifty Shades of Grey — Using Your Gray Matter!2021-04-08T19:44:48+00:00

Sleepless, but not Sexless, in Seattle: Your Most Thrilling Erotic Flashbacks


What’s the hottest sex you ever had? Meeting up with a high school girlfriend or boyfriend and (finally) getting it on—all the way? Letting the woman down the street seduce you? Being tied up, blindfolded and teased into multiple orgasms? These are erotic flashbacks—or flesh-backs! Almost everyone has one, two or many. The more erotic memories you can conjure up, the richer and more robust your sex life can be. We can use erotic flashbacks to enhance our sexual pleasures, recreate that hot night when you agreed to a threesome, let your lover insert ben wa balls, and lose yourself in [...]

Sleepless, but not Sexless, in Seattle: Your Most Thrilling Erotic Flashbacks2021-04-08T17:32:35+00:00

In Defense of Playful, Undulating Lust


When I coined the now-popular concept “Sex-Positive” in 1976, sex-negative social and political forces escalated their misguided attack on lust in the name of being “responsible,” or to avoid being a sinner. I knew that lust was under attack from the religious right-wing, as well as from some extreme feminists who viewed sexiness as a threat to pristine independence. The war against pornography was mixed with sexual harassment statutes that failed to distinguish between healthy flirtation and the misuse of power in the workplace. In short, it was a war against lust in a time when the sexual revolution had peaked, [...]

In Defense of Playful, Undulating Lust2021-04-08T17:14:12+00:00

Fifty Shades of Grey is More Erotic Than Most Internet Porn


It is a wonder that Internet porn is the cause of much obsessive, compulsive viewing by men, and by some women. I have many clients who are compulsive about Internet porn. They lack balance. They would be better off masturbating to their own fantasies. Many of them are so obsessed with porn that they fail to have satisfying sexual relationships. This does not make them sex addicts, a topic I deal with in a previous blog. Most visual porn lacks a script to make it erotic, and to give it meaning and context. Porn on the net is similar to watching a video [...]

Fifty Shades of Grey is More Erotic Than Most Internet Porn2021-04-06T17:44:00+00:00

Who Is and Isn’t A Sex Addict?


Tiger Woods, Anthony Wiener and others in the news have been labeled “sex addicts” by the media and by some counselors and therapists. But who is a “sex addict”? The term sex addict (and hypersexual disorder) have not yet been approved by the DSM, the manual insurance companies and therapists use to diagnose a variety of mental disorders. This is because there is a lack of conceptual clarity and empirically-based validation to justify the inclusion. This supposed disorder is labeled mostly by twelve-step sex addiction counselors, often with encouragement from a variety of religiously based groups and individuals. If you [...]

Who Is and Isn’t A Sex Addict?2018-12-06T20:13:00+00:00

The Joys of Vacation Sex!


Most couples have more and better sex on vacation—even if they are way for a lusty weekend. They can turn off their cell phones and their laptops, and focus on pleasuring each other. Getting away often does wonders to your sex life. You can choose to relax, laugh and have orgasms galore! Making love outdoors is sometimes possible on vacation. I suggest a picnic lunch, a blanket and a roaring river as the perfect atmosphere for languishing, decadent sex. Moving water (not a faucet!) adds to erotic passion. The rapids with cresting white water and curious, appreciative bear and deer [...]

The Joys of Vacation Sex!2018-12-06T21:11:29+00:00
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