Relationships

Celebrate National Orgasm Week!

2018-12-09T21:06:07+00:00

I created National Orgasm Week in 1976 (the same year I created the term sex-positive!) as a way to emphasize the importance of orgasm and using commonsense about safer sex during Spring Break for college students. This fun-filled week has persisted, not just for college students, but for all sexual enthusiasts. The first week of Spring (March 20-27) is National Orgasm Week. Over the years, this week has received considerable media coverage in university publications and the wire services. Pleasure-seekers have been known to wear pins exclaiming “I Came For National Orgasm Week!” Orgasm is a wonderful genital sneeze that [...]

Celebrate National Orgasm Week!2018-12-09T21:06:07+00:00

I Help Millennials and Non-Monogamous Lovers

2021-04-13T18:20:53+00:00

I am sometimes asked if I am in tune with young and non-monogamous lovers. The answer is yes. I have been a pioneer in developing alternatives to monogamy for those not wanting monogamy for some or all of their lives. I wrote the Foreword to the classic bestseller, Open Marriage. This does not mean that I think all people should have open marriages. Some are happily monogamous. Today monogamy is a choice. It is not the only choice. This confuses older people, and it confuses some millennials too. I see life as a journey where we make different sexual choices at [...]

I Help Millennials and Non-Monogamous Lovers2021-04-13T18:20:53+00:00

We Will Try to Solve the Problem Ourselves

2021-04-13T18:14:49+00:00

If I had five dollars every time I have heard some variation of this comment, I would be rich! It is far too common for a couple to call a therapist, only to decide that they would try harder to solve the problem themselves. From my experience, when someone has a sexual and relationship problem, and they call for help, and then decline help, they are in denial that the problem is beyond their expertise to solve. Some do not want to spend money, even though this would be an investment in their relationship. Others do not want to spend [...]

We Will Try to Solve the Problem Ourselves2021-04-13T18:14:49+00:00

Long Distance “Relationships”—Fantasy vs. Reality

2021-04-13T18:12:35+00:00

As a sex therapist and a couples’ counselor I have seen many individuals in long distance “relationships.”  I put relationships in quotes because in most cases the two participants confuse fantasy with reality.  They have severe problems communicating and maintaining what they believe to be a permanent intimate relationship. They text, email and call each other frequently, which limits other friendships and real relationships where each lives. They argue and cajole each other for something that was said and often misinterpreted, or for not texting or calling several times daily with a full rundown of what they have been doing. They falsely believe they have [...]

Long Distance “Relationships”—Fantasy vs. Reality2021-04-13T18:12:35+00:00

1 + 1 = 3, Making Couples Therapy Add Up!

2021-04-13T17:54:40+00:00

Making a decision to work with a therapist and improve, (or save), an important relationship, calls on all parties to pledge their commitment to the process. First and foremost, it is a commitment by and between oneself and one’s partner — to engage together in the treatment plan. 1 + 1 = one relationship. And the therapist makes three! For this model to be successful, personal and relationship growth have to be prioritized. Some individuals, as well as couples, do a lot of therapy shopping to find a good fit (a fine idea). Some others shop for a therapist who is the least expensive—usually [...]

1 + 1 = 3, Making Couples Therapy Add Up!2021-04-13T17:54:40+00:00

Go With the Flow for Better Sex & Marriage: Can you say “H2-Ohhhh?”

2021-04-08T19:47:47+00:00

Where do we usually make love? In bed!?  We can be a lot more adventurous! I think we need to go somewhere near water—particularly running, streaming, undulating water like the ocean or a river in the mountains—so we can make love with the passion of the running water.  Any water—well, not a faucet—but any kind of running water is romantic and powerful and adds to the tempestuous nature of making love. When I chose the locations for my two offices, I put them both on the water. One is on Lake Washington, and the other one is in Poulsbo on an [...]

Go With the Flow for Better Sex & Marriage: Can you say “H2-Ohhhh?”2021-04-08T19:47:47+00:00

Guest Blogger: Omaha Sex Therapist Kristen Lilla X-Rays Polyamory

2021-04-08T19:45:33+00:00

Omaha Sex Therapist Kristen Lilla  By Kristen Lilla, AASECT Sex Therapist, Omaha, NE While the concept of polyamory is not something new, the discussion of it seems to be. Those who are exploring polyamory, or identifying as polyamorous, find that they have to “come out of the closet” to their partner, family, and friends. Some are accepted and understood, but many others are ostracized and considered deviant. I often hear people question, “isn’t it just giving your partner permission to cheat?” Working with polyamorous clients has taught me a lot about love, relationships, and communication. At the same time, it has taught me a lot [...]

Guest Blogger: Omaha Sex Therapist Kristen Lilla X-Rays Polyamory2021-04-08T19:45:33+00:00

When Does Couples Counseling Need Sex Therapy – and What to Do About It!

2021-04-08T18:35:19+00:00

I am constantly reminded that many couples who need help with a variety of issues such as poor communication, conflict and sexual problems do not know what type of therapist to seek for help. They often wrongly conclude that a couples counselor is trained to address sexual problems. The truth is that couples counselors are not qualified to deal with sexual dysfunctions, and a lack of sexual rapport. Only couples counselors who are also board certified as sex therapists are prepared to solve sexual problems such as discrepant desire, arousal disorders, lack of orgasm, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, painful intercourse and [...]

When Does Couples Counseling Need Sex Therapy – and What to Do About It!2021-04-08T18:35:19+00:00

A Real Marriage is a Sexual Relationship

2021-03-31T22:22:30+00:00

There are many legal marriages that masquerade as sexually healthy, loving relationships. These marriages were probably sexual and loving early on (though some were not), but they no longer are marriages, except legally. These masqueraders are roommates, and sometimes parents, but they are not lovers. Although there is no close estimate of the proportion of legal marriages that are sexless, my experience is that there are more such marriages than meets the eye. I would distinguish between marriages that are sexless because one or both partners choose not to have sex, and those where there are health or medical reasons for [...]

A Real Marriage is a Sexual Relationship2021-03-31T22:22:30+00:00

Is a New Sexual Revolution Coming?

2021-03-31T22:18:08+00:00

It is common to refer to the sexual revolution of the sixties, but that revolution actually peaked from 1973 to 1975, and many of the changes in our culture have been integrated in our lives up to the present. The pill, a vibrant economy, relaxing what is considered moral, and less fear of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) all coalesced to encourage sexual freedom with a variety of lovers. This was all pre-HIV. Woodstock and other celebrations of peace, love and lust really happened. Women initiated sex a lot, and some movement toward equality occurred. This does not mean the sexual revolution [...]

Is a New Sexual Revolution Coming?2021-03-31T22:18:08+00:00
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